dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize