phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
