Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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