Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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