I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
