I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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