Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I've blown a few things in my day
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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