so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
