....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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