A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
