The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
