My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
