bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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