we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
