I could have mohawked her pubes.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize