Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize