I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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