The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
