please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
