it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
