that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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