I wish you could order shots online.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
