the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
