Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
