i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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