Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
