Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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