his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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