Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
