Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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