So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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