Small penises have feelings too.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
