u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
people are starting to question the shark bite story
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
