Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
you win again, gameday.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
