Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
