I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
