Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
