I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize