Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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