the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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