You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
