Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
