there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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