yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
