Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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