Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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