she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I am midnight drunk by noon
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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