just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
