I think my vagina is haunted
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
