LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
