Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
What a dumb baby whore.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Well I just put wine in my tea
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
