they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
