Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize