i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
