She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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