I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
