My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
