I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
