So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize