How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
