She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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