i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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