A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I AM VODKA MAN
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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