Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
