Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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