a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
