I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Just pee around me
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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