apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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