i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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